resolutions and why i never make them

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Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.

-Abraham Lincoln

As the new year rolled around I found myself panicking about not having thought much about it. I am not a very goal-oriented person, but I do think that the way in which life crescendos towards beautiful, sparkling Christmastime and then January. . . The unsettled way that sentence is worked is exactly how we feel. Wait, what? Where did Christmas go and why are you here already, cold, dull, ugly month!

Weird personification aside, everyone is telling us we need goals and resolutions. Quick! We need a resolution, it’s new years! The Today Show and Oprah are telling me I need one!

I think it’s fun to make statements like: I’m going to start volunteering, or I’m going to start blogging once a week . . . but then life happens and I feel depressed because I didn’t just do it.

There were things that I decided to see through– that time I found myself in grad school was one of them, but how I got there is still a mystery. Then there are other things we see through because we have to, ( I need to eat and pay rent so I’m going to work three jobs) want to, (I love Tommy so I’m going to marry him), etc. So I suppose I am “finish what I start” oriented. “Keep my house clean and my baby alive” oriented. “Keep all of my intestines and colon till I die” oriented. These are things that make me do things.

There are other things that we need courage not to see through. I had an experience with a job last year that took a lot of help from Tommy to realize that quitting was the right thing to do. And some goals, like never-ever drinking soda or coffee creamer are just sad . . .

I do have things I want to do. Travel more, read more, write more, help more, work more. But for me putting a name on them or making a deadline would be like making rules. I don’t like rules. I like the freedom and possibility of anything happening, without the disappointment of unrealized hope.

So, hello 2015, maybe we’ll do better at reading, maybe I’ll have less soda, maybe we’ll get back to Europe or explore someplace new, but if we can only stay home and see Jack figure something new out and spend time with loved ones, that’s ok too.

Sarah

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